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Heavy's Retarded Holiday
Plot The episode begins with a fart noise. BLU Heavy appears on the screen, shouting "LEFT 4 DEAD", whilst waving a game box for Left 4 Dead 2. He flies through the house with the box in his mouth, before spitting it at a RED Sniper reading a newspaper, then yelling "SPY!" The camera cuts to his room, and Heavy's head magically popping through the mattress. He approaches his computer, throws the chair out (hitting the Sniper once again). He slowly takes the game box from his mouth, before abruptly throwing it across the room and knocking over a plant. He retrieves the game disk with his mouth, and spits it into the disc slot of his PC, starting the game. A Steam message pops up demanding Heavy enter the serial key correctly, or risk being eaten. He curses, and pushes down with one finger twice, failing to enter the key. Steam calculates, before screaming 'WRONG!' and breaking his monitor. Francis' head pops out of the broken monitor, and pulls Heavy into a bright light which quickly covers the frame. As the flare fades, an evacuation helicopter explodes and crashes to the ground. The camera cuts to Heavy and Ellis standing on either side of a weapon-laden table. Ellis introduces himself, and offers a handshake. Heavy takes it, and snaps his fingers backwards. The two watch the carnage from the crash, before Ellis asks Heavy if he knows what "suck the heads" means. Heavy makes a face of equal parts confusion and disgust, before yelling "NO!", and punching him, sending him flying. Ellis continues to explain, saying "it's about eating", and Heavy throws a car at him. When Ellis threatens Heavy not to throw anything at him again, Heavy chucks an oil tanker. Ellis magically reappears next the table, and grabs a pistol. Heavy attempts to do the same, but his fingers are too large to handle it correctly, so he throws it at Ellis's face. Ellis then offers him a brown teddy bear, and a short giggle sound bite plays. The scene shifts to a extreme close-up on Chuck Greene's face. He looks to his left, and sees a large power strip, a PS3, and the bottom of a television. To his right, he sees a window, a bed, some shelves, a dresser, and a mirror. The camera zooms out on Chuck, and a man appears behind his back, much to his disdain. The man introduces himself as Frank West, offering a hand and a lens-flare-inducing smile. A man charges at the two, but Chuck shoots him, sending him flying. Frank reaches for Chuck's gun, but he pulls it down, saddening him. He tries again, but Chuck lifts it upward this time. Frank indignantly states that "he's covered wars", which earns him a bonk on the head from Chuck. On the third attempt, he successfully steals it, just as a red Scout attacks them. The Scout slams himself into the ground and taunts them in a heavily warped voice, while Frank and Chuck look on. He points the gun at the possessed scout, then turns it on Chuck and fires at him instead, launching him across the table. After a confused look, an explosion sends Scout flying away. Frank looks back at Chuck, who builds himself a mounted machine gun using a bat, a plate, a table, and a cloud of smoke. He opens fire, pelting Frank with bullets, and then engaging slow-mo. Frank lunges at Chuck's battlement, and disappears into a cloud of smoke. After the smoke lifts, the wall and rifle are gone. Chuck frowns against Frank's grin. It cuts back to Ellis and Heavy from this point. Ellis goes up to Heavy, telling him to "hold up." He begins dancing to upbeat music as the screen changes color. He quickly ends his dance, pointing at Coach on the ground, stained with blood, crying for help. Ellis shoots him with enough force to send him off the table, flying towards the window. His shot summons various things. The first is The G-Man with a flock of birds that take Heavy, and some glass turtles that attack Ellis. One turtle knocks Ellis off the table, but a horse provides him a landing, which later bounds off, leaving behind a trail of fire. The G-Man and the birds send Heavy up to a ceiling light, where Heavy gets briefly pestered by the turtles. He cries for help inside the light, and Ellis and his horse charge towards the light, causing an explosion, but freeing Heavy in the process. Heavy then proceeds to plummet to the ground, landing headfirst, so hard that only his legs are visible. Ellis also falls himself, landing on several levels of drawer handles. He also lands on cactus plants that cover one handle. He lands safely through a pack of leaves, but gets shot by guns on the next level. He lands the next one on his crotch, and finally lands on the ground. The episode cuts back to Frank and Chuck, Frank explaining about Chuck's shoes that must be bought; "Blue and cream, son! Blue and cream!" He tells that the user must also get matching pants to avoid looking silly. After his explanation, Chuck punches Frank directly in his mouth, and turns his fist so that Frank is launched into a refrigerator. Chuck performs his look to the left and right that he did in his introduction, gazing at several parts of the room. When it cuts back to Chuck, it is shown that a man is behind me. He looks down and find Louis in between his legs, and a glaring cat upwards. He opens the fridge to find a Storm Trooper helmet, to which Francis magically appears behind him, yelling "BOO!" He kicks Chuck upward, who lands on the top edge of the fridge, this assumingly killing him as 'MONSTER KILL' appears on the screen. Francis explains his love for bumper cars while sitting in one; he runs Chuck over and brakes next to Frank. He slaps him a high-five, and continues driving. Chuck angrily approaches Frank, smacking his face, reducing his smile to a glum straight face. Ellis cries for help, but Heavy says no. Ellis hears of Bill's finding of pain pills, but he mistakes his as a Smoker. When Bill approaches, Ellis screams wildly. He is finally quieted when Bill grabs him by the mouth, and apparently rips out his entire skull. Bill coughs a cloud of smoke in Heavy's face (after mistaking him as a Spy), just as Ellis announces he is grabbing "balls of steel", which is Viagra. With his head now Duke Nukem's, he gulps down the entire container, and his buttocks grow to the size of beach balls. He lunges himself at Heavy and Bill, Bill being launched into the side of a drawer, while Heavy flies directly at a computer screen. Ellis/Duke incorrectly says that it's time to "kick ass and kick ass", and that he is "all out of kick ass." A Panda dressed as Heavy then crashes down next to Ellis, who declares that he is not going to fight; he is going to kick ass. He hits the panda, sending him to the floor. Ellis then sets his eyes on a group of fleeing men. He throws himself at them like bowling, one man still standing. Chuck and Frank watch Ethan Mars kneeling and screaming in pain, his back turned towards the 2. The words 'YA CANT BE SRS' revolve around Frank's head, to which the Ethab finally turns his head, repeatedly saying "Jason". He falls flat on the ground, but his legs lift and he is flipped over. Chuck tosses him at the other side of the room, at a box. He then runs to where Chuck and Frank are, but he is struck by a car before this is possible. The car hits a wall, but it flips about, hitting a pole and wildly flipping some more before aiming right for Chuck and Frank. The driver of the reckless car lightly apologizes to Chuck before rushing over to Frank, asking him if it was a coffee he was drinking. He puts Frank under arrest, introducing himself as Agent Norman Jayden for the FBI. Frank is literally thrown into Jayden's car, and they drive off, leaving a confused-looking Chuck behind. Frank is inside an interrogation room with Agent Jayden and Carter Blake. He lifts his coffee cup to Blake, before lifting it to Jayden. He takes off his sunglasses as Blake goes berserk, kicking a chair directly at him and yelling "F**KING A**HOLE!". Jayden tells Carter that it made no sense, but he punches Jayden's sunglasses, sending him to the floor. He is told why not to "f**k off" just as Chuck flies at the door. Carter's surprise, Chuck rips the door off its hinges, flying directly at him, and he can do nothing but scream as his head is sliced off. Frank and Chuck bond hands, but they hear an alarm as the screen flashes red. The two flee out into the street as 'F**K YEAH' is shown on the screen. A man fires his bullet at Frank, but it lands in his mouth. He spits it back at him, ripping through his head. Another man is lowered from a helicopter above a screaming Frank. But Chuck comes in in a Japanese style, flips in the air, and two guns protrude from his butt and begin shooting. A thin pole is blown in half, and the man from the helicopter falls to the floor. Chuck, with the lyrics, tells him to lick his butt as he does a pelvic thrust directly at him. Chuck drives a car directly at a wall, which marks the end of the montage. (All this is done to the song "America, F**k Yeah" from the Team America ''film.) Heavy appears on the screen, sniffing and looking about. He peeks past the wall, seeing guards bonding over cups of coffee. Beyond that, he sees the mighty Crit-Sandvich as his eyes turn to hearts. He instantly begins reading a book on sneaking past guards as Ellis flies directly at the camera. When the camera begins viewing well, Ellis apologizes dearly. He then flies across the room at the wall, to which a heavily dressed man catches up to him and mistakes him for Gordon Freeman. He slides across the floor away from him, but he instantly catches up again. He tries touching Ellis, but he catches his hand and throws it at his face. He then approaches Heavy, whom he also mistakes for Freeman. He tells him that there is a tune in his head that he cannot get out, and he begins singing the song in front of him briefly. Ellis, curled into a ball, apparently finishes using the bathroom as a flush sound is heard. He curls his head up, and jumps to the ceiling of the room, bouncing down. He comes down with a box in his arms, but his legs give way and he falls, releasing the box from his grasp. The G. Freeman fan takes the box and even Heavy puts his book down to watch. The fan flips the box and looks inside the box, and is horrified, surprised, or disgusted at what he sees. He cries if Ellis is crazy, and that he declines going out "in THAT!" but he is instantly convinced by "Dr. Freeman"--actually Heavy. The guards are now playing the Dreamcast's ''Power Stone 2. Ellis, the GF fan, and Heavy are all in it together, ordering each other to keep moving. One guard is straining themselves at trying to play the game while the other encourages him. The man (disguised as Renamon) appears behind their couch, the guards surprised and disgusted at him. The man gets a knife thrown at his face, and he falls to the floor. One guard hobbles over to it and smashes it with something, while the other approaches it and begins urinating on it. Heavy appears behind a giant SNES box, and takes the Sandvich in his mouth while the entity is bloodily destroyed. Two more guards appear, one "bodychecking" the other, slamming their hip into them with so much force, they fly off and directly hit the red Sniper. Heavy finally consumes the Crit-Sandvich and receives its UberCharge . Ellis sees Heavy, but before he can finish his sentence concerning him, he is cut around the neck and falls to the floor. The killer is apparently seen to be Ezio Auditore (Assassin's Creed), proclaiming that he is "still here." As he suspends in the air in an X shape, Ellis kicks him in the crotch, and he is shot to death as a reponse. Ezio turns his head to Heavy who says that he is dead. He throws a knife at him, but it lands in his mouth. He throws another, and it lands in his mouth also. Ezio keeps chucking knives at Heavy, but they are all consumed and eaten, much to Ezio's surprise. Proclaiming that he eats pain, Heavy goes up to Ezio, rips part of his arm off, stuffs it in his mouth, and breaks his neck. Heavy turns back to his form, and proceeds to look at a rapidly shot Ellis. He chuckles, and disappears in a flash. The whole event turns out to be a video on the computer of a teenager (presumably a figure of Elliot himself), who has a disappointed look on his face as he pushes down on the keyboard, cutting the episode to an intermission. After the intermission, two black gangsters are in an abandoned restaurant. One man talks about hearing about a white boy getting capped down by a tree. The other gangster, surprised at this news, talks gibberish which sound like "For real? By the f**kin' huge a** weed by the hill?" The first gangster confirms this, telling him that some money fell out of his pocket, maybe $3.50. The second gangster says something like "Damn, thats some busta a** sh** G!" They both say "Yeah!" and the first gangster asks if he is heard, to which the second says yes, but knocks over some chairs as he flails around while he is floating in the air. The first gangster tells him to "shut his a** up" and smacks him, sending him to the floor. The episode cuts back to the main event, to which the events of the previous MWH ''are shown, which merely state that Ellis died. Heavy looks at his surrounding in the eye binoculars; he sees a black man being choked by a buff white man, Francis and Bill (apparently hurting a man), Francis ordering Bill things that he cannot hear, his head being so far up his butt. He looks up, and sees a bare white butt, to which he screams. But as the camera pans out, we realize that this is just a zoom-in on Ellis's hand, who thought that he would be forgotten. The camera then tilts Heavy upside down, and he falls down, bounces upward on a giant trampoline (next to two men arguing over it), and then dangles from where Ellis is standing. Ellis reaches out for Heavy's hand at an unbelievably slow pace, which turns to his one clutching finger and his hand nears. As he is about to grasp it, he realizes that it is Christmas, forgetting about Heavy until he officially grabs onto him and falls down with Heavy. The two fall into the back of a car Chuck is driving with Frank. The two introduce themselves as the car speeds out of control. The car suddenly bumps into something, and it rises among them as a giant shadow. It is revealed to be a giant cat, which is at first taken for granted for its cuteness, but it turns out to be evil as lasers protrude from its eyes and dissolve something. The car frantically drives away, the cat hot on its trail. The cat dissolves a small horse during its pursuit with the car. The evil cat dissolves everything in its way as everyone inside the car panics. Ellis tries shooting the cat, but the bullet harmlessly bounces off the cat's face. Heavy, standing up in the car's sunroof, is short of luck when the car enters a mouse hole and he hits the wall and falls out of the car, directly in the cat's view. He flees just in time as a beam hits. He joins the others, panting breathlessly. The two find a picture of a cat next to them, which rips open to show the giant head of the evil cat, who readies its beams and dissolves the car, much to Heavy's horror. He cries, "OH NO!", but Ellis says, "Yes." right before being dissolved. The three remaining are Chuck, Frank, and Heavy; Chuck flees and collides with the wall. He clears the table in front of him of its objects, and puts on a bike and a speech bubble, and builds something out of it as a cloud of smoke appears once more. When the smoke lifts, it is shown that he had made a toaster. A waffle pops open, and Chuck takes it as he is dissolved. Frank and Heavy hoof it away from the cat, who squeezes through the mouse hole and traps Frank in its paw, dissolving him. Heavy flies into the grasp of a train, which heads off. He lands on the top as the cat readies its beams. Heavy jumps from train to train just in time as the cat dissolves one. He sees an incoming wall, and he jumps in front of the train, offering a fight. The train rumbles toward him, but he sends it off the track into the air with one punch. The cat pushes the train out of the way like a toy, and Heavy is horrified as the target of the cat's beams. It fires, but Heavy protects himself with the cartridge case. Heavy then sees a nearby bottle, which he throws at the cat's face, losing its beams. The cat falls to the ground, leaps up, and scatters out the door. Heavy throws away the case as everyone lifts him up and cheers for him. But a bright flash engulfs the screen, and as it dims, it is revealed that Heavy's entire adventure was just a dream. He wakes up at the rooster's call, rubber ducky in hand, and sits up. He throws away the duck, and flies at the window. He clears his window to see snow everywhere. He is surprised at the happening, and calls for the Soldier, who is not there. He looks for the Pyro, but he has disappeared as well. He yells for the Scout, but he is missing too. Even the Engineer has disappeared up in the attic, much to Heavy's confusion. He takes a step and tumbles down the stairs, where everyone is celebrating Christmas. Scout calls him, and with a "Boink!", tosses his gift at his head. He rips it open to find a ''L4D2 cartridge inside, which he refuses, throwing it back at Scout's face. The doorbell rings, and Heavy opens the door to see Ellis. He slams the door on Ellis, his head and arm crushed and stuck in the doorway. He lifts up his gift, which he rips open and inside finds a teddy bear. He reminisces one part of his dream when Ellis gave him the exact same teddy bear. Heavy sheds a tear, and gives Ellis a bone-crushing bear hug. Ellis, after he stops screaming, looks at Heavy and cracks a sheepish smile as the episode ends. 'TRIVIA ' *This is the longest Moments With Heavy video, with a runtime of 14:57. ** It's also the 6th longest video on kitty0706's channel.